The Magic Of Ordinary Days
We’ve been fed a lie in this culture. The lie that who we are isn’t enough. That we just keep doing. Keep achieving. Keep improving ourselves because we can’t possibly grasp the thought that who we are is exactly enough.
When God sees me, he sees Jesus. Completeness and wholeness. And just as Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father, so can I. Because there’s nothing more to do. No more striving needs to be acquired to find favor with God. No more hurried-ness and bustle. Nothing. All I have to do is merely enjoy everything God has already done for me.
This was of living is completely contrary to how I used to live. I lived 15+ years of my Christian life feeling a deep sense of unsettledness inside of me. Feeling that God was angry at me, or well, atleast upset at me. “If I would just witness more” I would think, “ then surely God would be happy with me”. I held deep conviction in my head, but never in my heart. I felt so separated from God some days it was more than I could bare. But I kept going, believing one day someone would have a word for me or somehow God would strike some magic belief sauce into my head. I watched other people receive blessings and gifts from the Lord and it seemed they weren’t working nearly as hard as I was. I thought the Lord required pain to get me closer to him. But the pain I attained by serving him, in return he wouldn’t heal. I was so confused and hurt. Years and years of resentment and anger toward the lord. Years of confusion and doubt harbored in my heart. Years of feeling inadequate, dead, and completely morbid inside.
“Oh if I could just find that marriage book- then we’ll be ok” I would tell myself as I scrolled the endless lists of Amazon’s top sellers. It’s exhausting living life that way.
There are a lot of pieces to my puzzle that has led me into the journey with the Lord that I am on today and often words fail me to describe the relationship I now abide in with my Father. But from where I was to where i am now is drastically different and I’m so thankful. I have peace in my heart and carry security and rest inside of me that outward circumstance cannot threat anymore.
And I’ve come to realize I’m just as much in relationship with the Lord when I’m stirring peanut butter as I am when I worshiping him in church and he’s just as in love with me when I wipe little butts as he is when I wipe tears of grief and sorrow.
It’s ok to enjoy life, to enjoy the journey of relationship with the Lord. It’s ok to rest from work (Hebrews 4:9-10).
So today I put on my new pajamas that I am loving, turned on my Christmas music and enjoyed life.
