When God Comes In.. Continued…
At the beginning of the month of April for the first time in what seemed like years, I could feel God nudging me that this would be my month for a breakthrough. I was desperate. Like weepy, depressed, my husband can’t help me anymore- desperate.
And April proved to be exactly that. My breakthrough month. Friends, I can’t tell you the depth of despair that I was brought out of. Not only despair, but I felt like God had breathed new life in me for the first time in my life. Like I actually knew who God was. But more importantly that I was known by him.
I have spent the majority of my life trying to be a good Christian, and for the most part I was really good at it. I had my soul trained quite well. But I always knew something was missing.
During that month, there were days I would just sit and cry at the revelation of God’s goodness and mercy and the amazing tenderness in which he was dealing with me. There were days I would sit and cry and had no idea why I was even crying, I just knew afterward I felt better like a weight had been lifted off of me. It was an un-earthing of sorts. A shifting that rattled me to the core of everything I had believed about God and how I functioned in my relationship with him.
When we as humans realize our true identities our whole life shifts into place. When we realize we are no longer abandoned by God, seperated from him trying to find out way back, it all makes sense. When I realized that Jesus literally, physically made a way for me to get to God it was like a wave of relief washed over me.
It’s no longer up to me to produce results in my relationship with God. It’s not longer up to me to behave well enough. But it’s simply resting in my relationship with God, living in the spirit and letting it flow through me into the earth.
I think Paul describes it best in Galatians-
” You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you recieve the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?….”
Isn’t it interesting that we are brought to Salvation simply by believing Jesus Christ has taken our sins and made a way for us to get to God. Yet when we enter into salvation we often try then to maintain it by abiding by the law. How you obtain something is how you maintain something. So the same way we obtain salvation through simply believing, not doing, the same way we remain in salvation.
Putting this journey with the Lord into words has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. There’s a level of transformation that happened that our english language is to limited to explain. But the past few months have neen truly miraculous. I’ve experienced living by the Spirit and it’s provided peace and security for me over and over again. When the wind and the waves of this life seem turbulant I know my resting place is in God. When I feel like i’ve failed yet again, I know there is Grace yet again.
